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Rai

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Rob Dougan - Clubbed to Death [Feb. 15th, 2009///12:27 am]
I know it's really really old and late and stuff but... I was just really, really curious. :D It's not epic tho :( hmmm...

The Rules:
1.) Open iTunes, or your music player of choice
2.) Turn on Shuffle, or Random, or anything similar
3.) Push Next for every question
4.) Type in whatever song that comes out
5.) Don't Cheat (seriously, you're only ever really fooling yourself)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
RENT - One Song, Glory

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
A Teens - Can't Help Falling In Love With You (>____O)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Anberlin - Adelaide

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Linkin Park - What I've Done

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Otherside

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Audioslave - Bring Em Back Alive

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
The Legion of Doom - I Know What You Buried Last Summer (0_0)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
+44 - Baby, Come On

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Nick Lachey - What's Left Of Me

WHAT SONG WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
P.O.T. - F.Y.B. (nuuuuu)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
The Clash - London's Calling

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Mae - We're So Far Away

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Spoon - Don't Let It Get You Down

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Elvis Presley - Hound Dog (you're all my bitches)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Pitbull - Crazy

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Hinder - Lips of an Angel (X.x)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Saving Abel - Addicted

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Savage - Swing

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
AC/DC - Back in Black

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
9 Inch Nails - The Hand That Feeds

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Metallica - Master of Puppets

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Coheed and Cambria - The Suffering (redundant)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Rob Dougan - Clubbed to Death

linkKiss me!

>Untitled< - Prompt from Pin on Writerskill [Jan. 3rd, 2009///02:07 am]
This is still currently in progress but I thought I should submit something. It's supposed to be lyrics, and it's a little sappy for my taste, not to mention the odd syntax and the few beats that are sablay... but I'll fix it up sometime else. If anyone has suggestions, go ahead and poke me.

"she lights her candle by the piano's side
sits herself down for a moment to see
if maybe their song would start playing itself
on the keys if her fingers agree

the candle burns gently, but still it's a race
to remember the melody by the time the light fades
the keys glisten like water-- she has tears in her eyes
but the notes are amiss each time she tries

[[how can she forget  
when her fingers remain the same?
how can she forget
when the keys are in place--
and all through the days
their song is what keeps her alive?]]

she remembers lips so soft, each kiss was a dream
and a presence so warm, he was her everything
but now as her fingers lay poised
and as she readies her voice  
she can't remember a thing

[[]]

she remembers his girl's thumb had a mole on its side
she remembers the painful dreams where all was alright
she can't seem to recall how their special song goes
but she can remember how they said goodbye

[[]]

the candle burns out, all's still in the night
she stares at the keys with all of her might
wonders why she can remember this much
while she forgets the song that keeps her alive
while she forgets the song that keeps her alive
while she forgets the song that keeps her alive"

link3 Kisses///Kiss me!

I I! I [Nov. 30th, 2008///03:01 am]

 

linkKiss me!

A brief reminder of a father. [Aug. 6th, 2008///12:18 pm]
I can't speak of the details, but some time ago I accompanied my mother and sister to a mass. It was a formal event, and I was hopelessly unprepared, so felt entirely self-conscious in my torn jeans and black jacket. Before the mass, my sister pulled my mother a little away from me, and mumbled a name.

My mother looked surprised, glanced at me for a moment then turned back to my sister, "Are you sure? Why...?"

"You also share the same table, but I didn't arrange it." whispered my sister.

They both glanced at me and then at each other again.

"Tell her," my sister said, but my mother frowned, "wag na."

What came across my mind as I sat on the aisle was that perhaps my real father was in this room somewhere, for some bizzare reason. After all, what other reason would they have to use a hushed tone and a note of uncertainty? A moment of excitement washed over me, only doused by a cold flash of "what would I say? What would he say?"

I decided that I did not really know how I felt about the matter.

Still, trying to look unaffected, I sat as far away from my mother as was possible, and concentrated on the white altar in front of us. After a moment a priest came forward, and everyone stilled to a hush. Mother leaned in towards me.

"That's father John*, Rai," she said, meaningfully. I turned to her with a slightly unattached air. "Oh? That's nice."

In my mind I was reeling: was I supposed to know who father John was? Was he famous? I looked upon the old man, pearl-white hair, skin loose and papery thin. A horrible thought passed my mind. What if HE was my father?

How can that be? I know my father's name, and it was a far cry. But what if my mother had kept this a secret for long? I glanced back at the priest.

Eww, Weird. Please no.

In an effort to steer clear from the possibility,my mind wandered. How did the priests' offsprings pass through that parental curiosity stage? Certainly I've heard a thousand stories on them during the Spanish occupation. I also thought, 'How would it feel to know that it is your father performing mass before your eyes, only that he doesn't recognize you as his own? Or that he may not even be aware...?'

Apparently fed up that I didn't have the reaction she wanted, my mother leaned in again, breaking my line of thought. "Do you know who father John is?"

"Nope."

There was a silence between us, but I understood: she wanted me to ask. And here I was, playing it cool while almost desperately wanting to know.

"He's your real grandfather." She said. I widened my eyes, and she immediately corrected herself, "Well, technically. His sister is your grandmother. Your father's mother."

I looked upon the man again, understanding. It was my first time to really see a grandfather of my blood (grandfather and grandmother from my mother's side too early for my memory). And my first time to see and know of a relative from my father's side. It was the first time I had to recognize someone from that line. I don't know how else to explain it, but it felt... weird.

We shared the same table, so I got to meet him. However, with the price of meeting him came this warning: I was not to utter a word about whose daughter I was. In my mind I thought of how ridiculous it would be to bring it up anyway, "What's up sir? I'm like you're real granddaughter."

Egad. Wouldn't be surprised if he'd have a heart attack.

It was the first time I experienced a different kind of frustration: a sombre, sad one really. When i shook his hand all I could think of was that he and I were related, were REALLY related through my FATHER. And that he could tell me all sort of things about my father that I've only dreamed of. And that perhaps he could answer one stupid question my mother never did: why didn't he ever take responsibility for me?

I never knew I cared before. In fact I am not brought to tears at the memory or anything of the sort. I guess I just want to know. Perhaps I cannot help but think of myself as a product of two people, not just one. Especially not one who has sunk far beneath my expectations, dare I say it.

In the end I left not knowing anything, except that old people can make some very entertaining jokes, and that the most romantic moment/image I've ever set my eyes upon was a 60-year-old married couple madly in love. (a side note, but damn, I promise it was a pretty sight.)

I wonder how it would have been if my sister and I had the same father, or if that father had stayed to raise us. Would that have made all the difference?

---
*note: John is not his name, for obvious reasons.
link4 Kisses///Kiss me!

On complaining [Jul. 27th, 2008///09:31 am]

            Mohandas K. Ghandi once said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”  And I agree.

My friends used to wonder why I would keep trash in my pockets and make strange squealing noises when they threw a cigarette butt out the car. They probably found me retarded, but I always thought that only those who didn’t contribute to this country’s filth could complain about it.

            What gets annoying is how people can rattle on about the pure ugliness in this country whilst contributing to it with more than their face. Or when drivers complain about how terrible our “Filipino driving etiquette” is before plowing through Edsa like a maniac.

Or how we can spit and snipe at those in power, while doing nothing about righting the country ourselves. I am guilty of this, and am rightfully ashamed. What right do I have to criticize a person in a position I had never been in? What right do I have to criticize someone I barely know anything about? What’s more, what right do I have to criticize a government that I have never voted for or thought twice about.

People nowadays are either jaded or thoughtless. Either they believe the government is going to the dogs anyways, therefore voting was useless—or, that they are too lazy to do research and instead rely on the most popular choice.

Then they complain. It’s senseless.

If I want to complain about the government, then maybe I should start voting, and voting for whom I really think is capable of handing such a difficult job. If someone wanted to complain about drivers, then maybe they should be a better one first.  If someone wanted to complain about Pasig river, then maybe they themselves should learn what green and black trashcans are for! :))

 

 

link1 Kiss///Kiss me!

History in Photographs [Jul. 15th, 2008///09:57 pm]
So the topic for our reporting in Aesthetics is “Art as a Form of Social Protest/Affirmation.” In my opinion, the most arresting point in our Aesthetics book talks about war, and how artists depicted it as something horrendous. Most art in this category dedicated itself to ending the poverty and the suffering that came with it. I reflected upon various works like Echo of a Scream, The Executions and Woman with Keloidal Scars.

I realized that our generation in this part of the world truly lacks a certain depth, urgency and emotion that come from having endured war. Much as I’m glad I’m in the post-war era, a part of me (romantic part, perhaps) wishes for a taste of it, if even just briefly. I know that it is a childless and reckless thing to ask for, but sometimes you just can’t help wondering, right?

Anyways, a few weeks ago I had remembered how intensely I had coveted a book in National Bookstore. It was extremely extravagant and pricey, not to mention unessential (as it was a coffee book). But this particular coffee book was entitled “100 Photographs that Changed the World”, which made all the difference. It was a compilation from LIFE magazine, taking all the photographs (a lot of which had graced the front page) in an attempt to reconstruct History not through words, but through pictures.

They had several sections including Science and Technology to famous political events captured on camera. But what had really interested me were the war pictures and those photographs that captured the suffering and the oppression of the past.

Needless to say, I walked away from the book on the bookshelf, unknowing that I would be making a mistake that I would regret. I should have invested in something as wonderful as that! It has been almost four years since I had seen Mr. 100 Photographs that Changed the World, and until now his images haunt my mind.

Recently I had enough inspiration to look the book up in the web. I thought it would be quick and easy—all I had to do was torrent the book, right? Apparently not. The damned book proved to be elusive, and even trying to find the list of the photographs used was difficult.

Now I’ve only collected a few of the photographs, and I’m not even sure if all of them had been in the actual book. But the pictures are amazing, and worth keeping. Perhaps I can now use these for my report, eh?

Photographs that Changed the World



Anne Frank 1941

Six million Jews died in the Holocaust. For many throughout the world, one teenage girl gave them a story and a face. She was Anne Frank, the adolescent who, according to her diary, retained her hope and humanity as she hid with her family in an Amsterdam attic. In 1944 the Nazis, acting on a tip, arrested the Franks; Anne and her sister died of typhus at Bergen-Belsen only a month before the camp was liberated. The world came to know her through her words and through this ordinary portrait of a girl of 14. She stares with big eyes, wearing an enigmatic expression, gazing at a future that the viewer knows will never come.






Dead on the Beach 1943

 When LIFE ran this stark, haunting photograph of a beach in Papua New Guinea on September 20, 1943, the magazine felt compelled to ask in an adjacent full-page editorial, “Why print this picture, anyway, of three American boys dead upon an alien shore?” Among the reasons: “words are never enough . . . words do not exist to make us see, or know, or feel what it is like, what actually happens.” But there was more to it than that; LIFE was actually publishing in concert with government wishes. President Franklin D. Roosevelt was convinced that Americans had grown too complacent about the war, so he lifted the ban on images depicting U.S. casualties. Strock’s picture and others that followed in LIFE and elsewhere had the desired effect. The public, shocked by combat’s grim realities, was instilled with yet greater resolve to win the war. 




Biafra 1969 

When the Igbos of eastern Nigeria declared themselves independent in 1967, Nigeria blockaded their fledgling country-Biafra. In three years of war, more than one million people died, mainly of hunger. In famine, children who lack protein often get the disease kwashiorkor, which causes their muscles to waste away and their bellies to protrude. War photographer Don McCullin drew attention to the tragedy. "I was devastated by the sight of 900 children living in one camp in utter squalor at the point of death," he said. "I lost all interest in photographing soldiers in action." The world community intervened to help Biafra, and learned key lessons about dealing with massive hunger exacerbated by war-a problem that still defies simple solutions.



Birmingham 1963 

For years, Birmingham, Ala., was considered “the South’s toughest city,” home to a large black population and a dominant class of whites that met in frequent, open hostility. Birmingham in 1963 had become the cause célèbre of the black civil rights movement as nonviolent demonstrators led by Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. repeatedly faced jail, dogs and high-velocity hoses in their tireless quest to topple segregation. This picture of people being pummeled by a liquid battering ram rallied support for the plight of the blacks.



Breaker Boys 1910

What Charles Dickens did with words for the underage toilers of London, Lewis Hine did with photographs for the youthful laborers in the United States. In 1908 the National Child Labor Committee was already campaigning to put the nation’s two million young workers back in school when the group hired Hine. The Wisconsin native traveled to half the states, capturing images of children working in mines, mills and on the streets. Here he has photographed “breaker boys,” whose job was to separate coal from slate, in South Pittston, Pa. Once again, pictures swayed the public in a way cold statistics had not, and the country enacted laws banning child labor.



South of the DMZ 1966 

Contrary to the constraints that were put upon the press in subsequent conflicts, and even to the embedded program used in the recent Iraqi war, correspondents and photographers in Vietnam could, as Walter Cronkite wrote in LIFE, “accompany troops to wherever they could hitch a ride, and there was no censorship . . . That system—or lack of one—kept the American public well informed of our soldiers’ problems, their setbacks and their heroism.” Reaching Out is a quintessential example of the powerful imagery that came out of Vietnam. “The color photographs of tormented Vietnamese villagers and wounded American conscripts that Larry Burrows took and LIFE published, starting in 1962, certainly fortified the outcry against the American presence in Vietnam,” Susan Sontag wrote in her essay “Looking at War,” in the December 9, 2002, New Yorker. “Burrows was the first important photographer to do a whole war in color—another gain in verisimilitude and shock.” Burrows was killed when the helicopter he was riding in was shot down over Laos in 1971.



Kent State 1970 

When President Richard Nixon said he was sending troops to Cambodia, the nation’s colleges erupted in protest. At Kent State some threw rocks. The Ohio National Guard, called in to quell the turmoil, suddenly turned and fired, killing four; two were simply walking to class. This photo captured a pivotal moment: American soldiers had just killed American kids. Student photographer John Filo won the Pulitzer; the event was also memorialized in a Neil Young song and a TV movie. The girl, Mary Ann Vecchio, turned out not to be a Kent State student, but a 14-year-old runaway. She was sent back to her family in Florida.



Hazel Bryant - Another Landmark Image.
It was the fourth school year since segregation had been outlawed by the Supreme Court. Things were not going well, and some southerners accused the national press of distorting matters. This picture, however, gave irrefutable testimony, as Elizabeth Eckford strides through a gantlet of white students, including Hazel Bryant (mouth open the widest), on her way to Little Rock’s Central High.



Lynching 1930

A mob of 10,000 whites took sledgehammers to the county jailhouse doors to get at these two young blacks accused of raping a white girl; the girl’s uncle saved the life of a third by proclaiming the man’s innocence. Although this was Marion, Ind., most of the nearly 5,000 lynchings documented between Reconstruction and the late 1960s were perpetrated in the South. (Hangings, beatings and mutilations were called the sentence of “Judge Lynch.”) Some lynching photos were made into postcards designed to boost white supremacy, but the tortured bodies and grotesquely happy crowds ended up revolting as many as they scared. Today the images remind us that we have not come as far from barbarity as we’d like to think.



Triangle Shirtwaist Company Fire 1911

The Triangle Shirtwaist Company always kept its doors locked to ensure that the young immigrant women stayed stooped over their machines and didn’t steal anything. When a fire broke out on Saturday, March 25, 1911, on the eighth floor of the New York City factory, the locks sealed the workers’ fate. In just 30 minutes, 146 were killed. Witnesses thought the owners were tossing their best fabric out the windows to save it, then realized workers were jumping, sometimes after sharing a kiss (the scene can be viewed now as an eerie precursor to the World Trade Center events of September, 11, 2001, only a mile and a half south). The Triangle disaster spurred a national crusade for workplace safety.



BERLIN—A young man bridges the wall between East and West Berlin, 1989. © Raymond Depardon. Slate magazine has a collection of Magnum photos which changed the world. Mostly doused in black and white gradients, these pictures feature significant historical incidents. Some of them, like the picture of the girl who grew up in a concentration camp are remarkably powerful reflections on our actions.



CERRO MURIANO, Spain—Federico Borrell Garcia, Spanish loyalist militiaman, collapses into death, 1936.



POLAND—Teresa, a child in a residence for disturbed children, grew up in a concentration camp. She has drawn a picture of “home” on the blackboard, 1948. © David Seymour



NORTH CAROLINA—A black man drinks at segregated water fountains, 1950. © Elliott Erwitt



SHARPEVILLE, South Africa—Police open fire on a crowd, killing more than 70 and injuring hundreds of others during what came to be known as the Sharpeville massacre, 1960. © Ian Berry



ARLINGTON, Va.—Jan Rose Kasmir confronts the National Guard outside the Pentagon during the 1967 anti-Vietnam War march, 1967. © Marc Riboud



AIGON, Vietnam—The Saigon fire department, which has the job of collecting the dead from city streets, has just placed a girl, killed by U.S. helicopter fire, in the back of their truck, where her brother finds her, 1968. © Philip Jones Griffiths



MEXICO—Mexicans are arrested while trying to cross the U.S. border, 1979. © Alex Webb



TEHRAN, Iran—Veiled women learn how to shoot in the outskirts of the city, 1986. © Jean Gaumy



PESHAWAR, Pakistan—An Afghan girl at Nasir Bagh refugee camp, 1984. © Steve McCurry
Other too interesting photographs not war-related:



The Tetons - Snake River
Ansel Adams, 1942 Some claim photography can be divided into two eras: Before Adams and After Adams. In Times B.A., for instance, photography wasn’t widely considered an art form. Rather, photographers attempted to make their pictures more "artistic" (i.e., more like paintings) by subjecting their exposures to all sorts of extreme manipulations, from coating their lenses with petroleum jelly to scratching the surfaces of their negatives with needles. Then came Ansel Adams, helping shutterbugs everywhere get over their collective inferiority complex.
Brashly declaring photography to be "a blazing poetry of the real," Adams eschewed manipulations, claiming they were simply derivative of other art forms. Instead, he preached the value of "pure photography." In an era when handheld point-and-shoot cameras were quickly becoming the norm, Adams and other landscape photographers clung to their bulky, old-fashioned large-format cameras. Ultimately, Adams’ pictures turned photography into fine art. What’s more, they shaped the way Americans thought of their nation’s wilderness and, with that, how to preserve it.
Adams’ passion for the land wasn’t limited to vistas he framed through the lens. In 1936, he accompanied his photos to Washington to lobby for the preservation of the Kings Canyon area in California. Sure enough, he was successful, and it was declared a national park.



Earthrise 1968

The late adventure photographer Galen Rowell called it “the most influential environmental photograph ever taken.” Captured on Christmas Eve, 1968, near the end of one of the most tumultuous years the U.S. had ever known, the Earthrise photograph inspired contemplation of our fragile existence and our place in the cosmos. For years, Frank Borman and Bill Anders of the Apollo 8 mission each thought that he was the one who took the picture. An investigation of two rolls of film seemed to prove Borman had taken an earlier, black-and-white frame, and the iconic color photograph, which later graced a U.S. postage stamp and several book covers, was by Anders.



Dalí Atomicus 1948 Philippe Halsman / Estate of Philippe Halsman
Philippe Halsman is quite possibly the only photographer to have made a career out of taking portraits of people jumping. But he claimed the act of leaping revealed his subjects’ true selves, and looking at his most famous jump, "Dalí Atomicus," it’s pretty hard to disagree.
The photograph is Halsman’s homage both to the new atomic age (prompted by physicist’ then-recent announcement that all matter hangs in a constant state of suspension) and to Dalí’s surrealist masterpiece "Leda Atomica" (seen on the right, behind the cats, and unfinished at the time). It took six hours, 28 jumps, and a roomful of assistants throwing angry cats and buckets of water into the air to get the perfect exposure.
But before settling on the "Atomicus" we know today, Halsman rejected a number of other concepts for the shot. One was the idea of throwing milk instead of water, but that was abandoned for fear that viewers, fresh from the privations of World War II, would condemn it as a waste of milk. Another involved exploding a cat in order to capture it "in suspension," though that arguably would have been a waste of cats.
Halsman’s methods were as unique as they were effective. His celebrity "jump" portraits appeared on at least seven Life magazine covers and helped usher in a new - and radically more adventurous - era of portrait photography.




Gandhi at his Spinning Wheel
Margaret Bourke-White, 1946
"Gandhi at his Spinning Wheel," the defining portrait of one of the 20th century’s most influential figures, almost didn’t happen, thanks to the Mahatma’s strict demands. Granted a rare opportunity to photograph India’s leader; Life staffer Margaret Bourke-White was all set to shoot when Gandhi’s secretaries stopped her cold: If she was going to photograph Gandhi at the spinning wheel (a symbol for India’s struggle for independence), she first had to learn to use one herself.
But that wasn’t all. The ascetic Mahatma wasn’t to be spoken to (it being his day of silence.) And because he detested bright light, Bourke-White was only allowed to use three flashbulbs. Having cleared all these hurdles, however, there was still one more - the humid Indian weather, which wreaked havoc on her camera equipment. When time finally came to shoot, Bourke-White’s first flashbulb failed. And while the second one worked, she forgot to pull the slide, rendering it blank.
She thought it was all over, but luckily, the third attempt was successful. In the end, she came away with an image that became Gandhi’s most enduring representation. it was also among the last portraits of his life; he was assassinated less than two years later.
---

Hehe, I didn’t end the pictures with Ghandi for a reason, but it does stem out as poetic so I’ll leave it like that. Buahahhaa!

Pictures and Descriptions from :
http://www.digitaljournalist.org/issue0309/lm01.html
http://slorker.com/pictures-that-changed-the-world/
http://www.neatorama.com/2007/01/02/13-photographs-that-changed-the-world/
link3 Kisses///Kiss me!

During Creative Writing... [Jul. 12th, 2008///10:46 am]

In creative writing class we were made to write an imitation of Denise Levestor’s To the Reader written in 1961. The poem goes like this:

TO THE READER

As you read, a white bear leisurely

pees, dyeing the snow

saffron,


and as you read, many gods

lie among lianas: eyes of obsidian

are watching the generation of leaves,

 

and as you read

the sea is turning its dark pages,

turning

its dark pages.

I only found out about the homework during the class before CW, so I scrambled with intermediate pad and a pen. I can picture myself so obviously cramming in the first row of the SA classroom. Har har har. What came out was this:


As she walks, the trees bow

down to kiss their

grassy feet;

 

and as she weeps, the birds keep

their little chicks

mum;

 

And as she lives, the world

Does nothing,

Does nothing but watch.

 

When, in Creative Writing class, we were asked how I felt about writing the piece, I told them I had no idea what I meant the poem to say and that it irritated me to no end. But the truth is, I lied. I quite knew what I was talking about, even if it was still a little vague to me. But to expound and attempt to explain it would mean blabbering and stumbling over ideas and notions and me, which seemed self-centered and time-consuming since we were having a group discussion. 

But thinking about it now, what I wanted to explain really wasn’t that long, wasn’t that complicated as I had supposed. I just hadn’t thought it out properly then. 

I should have answered that the poem’s title was TO THE LIVING, because I think that everyone alive constantly wants to be appreciated. That is-- we want others to watch us, to see us and to be affected by us. Our goals, may it be to be a lawyer, a psychologist, a writer—all want to affect the world in some way. Furthermore, we keep blogs, express opinions, play sports, do well at school, start a band in order to validate that we are here: living, breathing. 

The girl in my poem hadn’t been me, but someone, anyone—who felt as if there was no one or nothing watching her. We all have our moments when we think ourselves so small, when we think we are almost invisible. And I wanted to show that no matter what, there is always someone watching you, watching over you, and sometimes it comes from the place you least expect it to. 

 In the poem, it’s in the trees and in the birds. And as they watch they are, in a way, affected. But at the same time, these characters are alien to the girl—they will forever be unable to communicate to her in a way that another human can. They do nothing because they do not know how to comfort her. So all they do is watch. 

There was something else I discovered during that class. We were all asked to read out our poem, and while listening, one particular poem struck me. It’s by Monty, my seatmate. I forgot the title of her poem, but a specific part really stuck to my mind. It went something like this: 

and as you write, your philosophy teacher stands

in the middle of the empty classroom

repeating his name again and again. 

What is so special about this was that when she read it out loud, I really began to picture a teacher: lonely and desperate in his classroom amidst the still darkness, calling his name as if –again—assuring his existence in the world. I must admit, this image must have probably made me realize what I had intended to write. I also have to admit that the suicide at De La Costa briefly came to mind.

  In any case, it was this image that also made me see something quite wonderous (to me at least). That as we do the menial things in our day-to-day, other important events are taking place for other people.

As you read, your favorite uncle may have discovered his cancer.

As you read, your best friend may be having a break-up.

As you read, your first playmate in kindergarden may be walking to his death.

As you read, your ex may have finally found someone new.

It’s a wonderful thing, to understand that the world does not revolve around us, but that we are here. And that we are not always selfish, instead merely trying to reassure ourselves that no matter how miniscule and tiny we are in comparison to the entire world, we are still here. Thinking, breathing, living.

Man. I need a cookie.

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Disooorder Test :D [Jun. 1st, 2008///10:28 am]
<table width="300" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" border="0"><tr><td width="180"><font face="arial" size="-1"><b>Disorder</b></font></td><td width="120"><font face="arial" size="-1"><b>Rating</b></font></td></tr><tr><td><font face="arial" size="-1"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/paranoid.html">Paranoid</a>:</font></td><td><font color="#000099" face="arial" size="-1">Low</font></td></tr><tr><td><font face="arial" size="-1"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/schizoid.html">Schizoid</a>:</font></td><td><font color="#000099" face="arial" size="-1">Low</font></td></tr><tr><td><font face="arial" size="-1"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/schizotypal.html">Schizotypal</a>:</font></td><td><font color="#cc0033" face="arial" size="-1">High</font></td></tr><tr><td><font face="arial" size="-1"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/antisocial.html">Antisocial</a>:</font></td><td><font color="#990099" face="arial" size="-1">Moderate</font></td></tr><tr><td><font face="arial" size="-1"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/borderline.html">Borderline</a>:</font></td><td><font color="#ff0000" face="arial" size="-1">Very High</font></td></tr><tr><td><font face="arial" size="-1"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/histrionic.html">Histrionic</a>:</font></td><td><font color="#cc0033" face="arial" size="-1">High</font></td></tr><tr><td><font face="arial" size="-1"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/narcissistic.html">Narcissistic</a>:</font></td><td><font color="#990099" face="arial" size="-1">Moderate</font></td></tr><tr><td><font face="arial" size="-1"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/avoidant.html">Avoidant</a>:</font></td><td><font color="#990099" face="arial" size="-1">Moderate</font></td></tr><tr><td><font face="arial" size="-1"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/dependent.html">Dependent</a>:</font></td><td><font color="#cc0033" face="arial" size="-1">High</font></td></tr><tr><td><font face="arial" size="-1"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/ocd.html">Obsessive-Compulsive</a>:</font></td><td><font color="#000099" face="arial" size="-1">Low</font></td></tr><tr><td colspan="2" align="center"><font color="#000000" face="arial" size="-1"><br>-- <a href="http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv">Personality Disorder Test</a> --<br>-- <a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html">Personality Disorder Information</a> --</font></td></tr></table><br>

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From Heinz [May. 8th, 2008///11:03 am]

Checked out Heinz's list. I answered this a long time ago and got to the lust level. Apparently, I'm now down to seventh. LOOOL!

 

 

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Level Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers) Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful) Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous) High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) Moderate
Level 7 (Violent) Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) High

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

link1 Kiss///Kiss me!

Harry Potter: Safe [Apr. 29th, 2008///07:00 am]

A very interesting short Harry Potter fanfic. Petunia and Harry have one serious conversation. Warnings: depressing, spoilers and a gigantic plot twist. Written by Tangledhair. Disclaimers apply.

 

XIXIX “Safe” XIXIX

“I know you never loved me,” he stated and she nodded, saddened by his tone but it was true. She never had. She didn’t know what to say, so instead she focused on trying to look at Harry without seeing that man instead, and failed.

The silence settled and she wondered briefly if he had drifted off again. But after a few moments he blinked up at her with alert green eyes and Petunia was slapped with a sudden memory of Lily when she was younger. She had been happy once upon a time. Her eyes would dance and everyone fell in love with her almost immediately. She drew people to her like magic. Harry seemed to have the same gift. He was a favorite here, clearly. Maybe he was her sister’s son.

He seemed to be caught up in an internal debate over whether he should voice whatever it was he was thinking. He hadn’t spoken to her so much in years. It was a change, surely, and supposedly for the better. But it felt odd and uncomfortable to abandon their routine of silence.

Harry pursed his lips, apparently deciding to speak after all. “Were you ever afraid?” he asked carefully. “Keeping me on Privet Drive, I mean. Did you ever worry that sometime things might happen?”

Again, Petunia nodded. “Sometimes things did happen,” she said softly.

Harry made a sound that could have been a scoff or could have been a sigh, and then said, “Yes, I suppose so.” He stood up and shuffled to the window, burying his hands in the pockets of his robes. “But you kept me anyway. And you kept taking me back. You didn’t love me and you were afraid and sometimes things happened, but you let me come back again and again.

“You know,” he sighed wistfully, as though he would continue, but then he was silent again. He leaned against the cool stone wall and looked out into the courtyard. It could be beautiful and green at times, but the sky had been so overcast this year that everything looked gray. It seemed appropriated that life here lack color.

Harry smiled wanly at nothing in particular, and that seemed appropriate as well.

“I was so ready to be gone from Privet Drive,” he said, “To be away from you and Uncle Vernon and Dudley. I was so wrapped up in getting away from the muggle world that I never much considered it from your point of view.”

He turned back to her and ran a hand through his messy hair and he tried to smile again and it still didn’t quite work. She tried to smile back at him but it felt like a grimace on her face. He looked down shyly and spoke to her feet.

“It was really something, you know, what you did for me. I didn’t appreciate it then because I didn’t quite realize what it meant. And I know Dumbledore told you that you were protecting me by taking me back every year, so maybe you understand how important it was or maybe you don’t… I don’t know. At any rate, I’ll be 17 soon and I’ll be out of your hair after that. And I have to go… I have some things to take care of, and I might not be back afterwards. So I just wanted to make sure you knew now that, well…” He took a deep breath like he was about to make an important announcement, “I really appreciate you keeping me alive this long.”

She thought for a moment he was going to hug her, but he didn’t. Instead, he sat down in front of his lunch tray. Out of one of the pockets in his robe he pulled out his pointed stick and Petunia flinched involuntarily. He refused to part with it anymore, and it always gave her a fright—ever since that first time he’d used it against Dudley, with all that raving madness about Hogwarts letters and half-giants. The doctors had said it would leave a scar, but Petunia didn’t know how bad it was; Dudley had never shown her, and would she never ask.

He waved the stick over his food tray, and, seemingly satisfied, shoved it back into his pocket.

“The House Elves have really outdone themselves today,” he said pleasantly, and Petunia nodded. There wasn’t anything to say to that, really.

Harry was eating his mediocre fair. After awhile, he looked back up as though suddenly remembering she was still there. “I am glad you got to see Hogwarts before I left,” he said. “How do you like it?”

Petunia opted to avoid answering his question by asking one of her own. “Where do you intend on going?” she asked, making conversation. It was a moot point, of course. But he was alert. They may as well talk.

“I have to find Voldemort’s horcruxes,” he said matter-of-factly. Petunia looked at him blankly. “And then, after I’ve found them and destroyed them, I’m going to kill Voldemort once and for all.”

“And Voldemort is…” began Petunia, thinking back over the slips of conversations they’d had over the years, “He’s the one who gave you that scar?” She pointed to his forehead, and Harry hurriedly brushed down his bangs, covering it in a nervous gesture that called immediate attention to the hideous thing.

“He’s an evil Dark Wizard,” said Harry. “He thinks he’s found the key to immortality. He’s split his soul into six different objects, so that he’s no longer really human. He’s just a sliver of a soul in a recreated body.”

He caught her eye and noted that she was still listening. Heartened, he drove on. “He used some of my blood and this guy Wormtail’s hand to restore himself into a human body.”

“My word.”

“Don’t worry, Aunt Petunia. I’ll stop him.”

Petunia made a face, but said nothing.

“And if I happen to get a chance to kill Snape along the way, so much the better.”

Petunia’s hand was over her heart. “Why do you want to kill him? I know you didn’t like him, but…”

“He killed Dumbledore. I watched him. Then he fled Hogwarts with the other Death Eaters.”

Petunia didn’t know what to say. Harry turned back to his meal and seemed to forget her again.

XIXIX

“He is more alert than usual,” said Petunia, trying to find something good to say about the visit.

“Yes, he seems to be reacting well to the changes we’ve made. He’s calmer when he’s lucid, and he is lucid far more often than he was on his previous dosage. The main problem is that while we are able to control his behavior, other,” she paused and then stressed, “Issues remain unresolved.”

Petunia sniffed. “That little girl who is always reading told me that he is ‘The Chosen One’ now.” She couldn’t help but lower her voice as she said this. It wasn’t her fault, but it was embarrassing to have this abnormality in the family. If the neighbors ever found out…

“That would be Hermione Granger. One of his best friends, I should think. And greatest allies. She keeps him out of trouble.”

“Is that so? Only he just told me that that Voldemort person has split his soul into six pieces and that now Harry has to find these pieces and destroy them before he can go on to kill the ‘evil dark wizard’.” Petunia had a bad taste in her mouth. She hated talking of such things.

The stern woman behind the desk nodded briskly. “It is something of note that his violent tendencies tend to be fixated on manifestations… That is to say, his violent outbursts are only ever directed at the imaginary characters in this story he has woven for himself.”

“And my son, Dr. McGonagall,” Petunia corrected. “He has been violent on numerous occasions against my son.”

Dr. McGonagall nodded in concession. “I am still not prepared to allow Mr. Potter access to your son, based on their past altercations. However, he has shown no inclination to violence toward any real person in thirteen months.”

“I’m not sure about that,” Petunia sighed, narrowing her eyebrows. “He told me he intends to kill Dr. Snape.”

“Hm.” Dr. McGonagall began tapping her pen on her desk. “He hadn’t mentioned that in our sessions. Although he has expressed his suspicions that Dr. Snape had something to do with the death of one of our other patients, shortly before Dr. Snape transferred to the city.”

“Dumbledore, yes?”

“Yes. Sweet old man. Harry had taken quite a liking to him. He died in his sleep—heart failure, and so young, too. He was only 66 years old.” Dr. McGonagall sighed, but then returned to her brisk, businesslike tone. “And did you have a chance to visit with your sister?”

“Yes, I did,” said Petunia, wishing she had not. Lily and that man had both been living off of machinery for 16 years since the motor accident. Until the day she died Petunia would never forgive that man for all the pain he had brought into her life—the schizophrenia that his son inherited with all the paranoia and delusions, the life-worse-than-death he’d inflicted upon himself and her sister….

Petunia may not be a very clever woman, but if she had been given a chance she would have come up with ways to torture that man for an entire lifetime and make him pay for what he’d done.

She let none of this show, of course. Ever.

“Lily seems well taken care of,” she said blandly. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” smiled Dr. McGonagall kindly. “Have you reconsidered letting Harry make visits? It would be no trouble to arrange a guard to accompany him between the wards.”

Petunia shook her head. “No good could come from it,” she said, thinking of the hopelessness she felt when she sat with her sister, thinking that no son should ever have to feel that way while looking at his mother. “Harry tells me he means to leave St. Brutus’. I think he might actually try. The last thing he needs is an opportunity to escape.”

McGonagall nodded, appearing to accept Petunia’s decision on the matter. But she would ask again. She asked every time Petunia visited, and Petunia always refused. She was running out of excuses, and in a year he’d be eighteen and then they would be able to change his treatments without her approval. She dreaded the day that the matter was out of her hands and the doctors took him down three flights to see what had really become of his parents. Petunia couldn’t help but think maybe it was better to believe they’d been blown up by some mad wizard. At least there was a point to that. What point would he have when he was no longer ‘The Chosen One’, but just some crazy, wasting away in St. Brutus’ Mental Institution?

Petunia stood up to leave, shaking Dr. McGonagall’s hand formally.

“Thank you,” she said, ready to be out of this mental asylum, ready to return to her normal husband and her normal son in her normal house. “I’ll be back when I can.” She always said that, meaning to return next week, but letting the weeks stretch into months, and longer still.

“We’ll have security watch him,” said Dr. McGonagall neutrally by way of answer. “Don’t worry. Harry is safe here.”

link1 Kiss///Kiss me!

Lamb to the Slaughter [Apr. 26th, 2008///01:47 am]

Lamb to the Slaughter

A Short Story By Roald Dahl

 

The room was warm and clean, the curtains drawn, the two table lamps alight-hers and the one by the empty chair opposite. On the sideboard behind her, two tall glasses, soda water, whiskey.  Fresh ice cubes in the Thermos bucket.

Mary Maloney was waiting for her husband to come him from work.

Now and again she would glance up at the clock, but without anxiety, merely to please herself with the thought that each minute gone by made it nearer the time when he would come.  There was a slow smiling air about her, and about everything she did.  The drop of a head as she bent over her sewing was curiously tranquil.  Her skin -for this was her sixth month with child-had acquired a wonderful translucent quality, the mouth was soft, and the eyes, with their new placid look, seemed larger darker than before. When the clock said ten minutes to five, she began to listen, and a few moments later, punctually as always, she heard the tires on the gravel outside, and the car door slamming, the footsteps passing the window, the key turning in the lock.  She laid aside her sewing, stood up, and went forward to kiss him as he came in.

“Hullo darling,” she said.

“Hullo darling,” he answered.

She took his coat and hung it in the closer.  Then she walked over and made the drinks, a strongish one for him, a weak one for herself; and soon she was back again in her chair with the sewing, and he in the other, opposite, holding the tall glass with both hands, rocking it so the ice cubes tinkled against the side.

For her, this was always a blissful time of day.  She knew he didn’t want to speak much until the first drink was finished, and she, on her side, was content to sit quietly, enjoying his company after the long hours alone in the house.  She loved to luxuriate in the presence of this man, and to feel-almost as a sunbather feels the sun-that warm male glow that came out of him to her when they were alone together.  She loved him for the way he sat loosely in a chair, for the way he came in a door, or moved slowly across the room with long strides.  She loved intent, far look in his eyes when they rested in her, the funny shape of the mouth, and especially the way he remained silent about his tiredness, sitting still with himself until the whiskey had taken some of it away.

“Tired darling?”

“Yes,” he said.  “I’m tired,”  And as he spoke, he did an unusual thing.  He lifted his glass and drained it in one swallow although there was still half of it, at least half of it left.. She wasn’t really watching him, but she knew what he had done because she heard the ice cubes falling back against the bottom of the empty glass when he lowered his arm.  He paused a moment, leaning forward in the chair, then he got up and went slowly over to fetch himself another.

“I’ll get it!” she cried, jumping up.

“Sit down,” he said.

When he came back, she noticed that the new drink was dark amber with the quantity of whiskey in it.

“Darling, shall I get your slippers?”

“No.”

She watched him as he began to sip the dark yellow drink, and she could see little oily swirls in the liquid because it was so strong.

“I think it’s a shame,” she said, “that when a policeman gets to be as senior as you, they keep him walking about on his feet all day long.”

He didn’t answer, so she bent her head again and went on with her sewing; bet each time he lifted the drink to his lips, she heard the ice cubes clinking against the side of the glass.

“Darling,” she said.  “Would you like me to get you some cheese?  I haven’t made any supper because it’s Thursday.”

“No,” he said.

“If you’re too tired to eat out,” she went on, “it’s still not too late.  There’s plenty of meat and stuff in the freezer, and you can have it right here and not even move out of the chair.”

Her eyes waited on him for an answer, a smile, a little nod, but he made no sign.

“Anyway,” she went on, “I’ll get you some cheese and crackers first.”

“I don’t want it,” he said.

She moved uneasily in her chair, the large eyes still watching his face.  “But you must eat!  I’ll fix it anyway, and then you can have it or not, as you like.”

She stood up and placed her sewing on the table by the lamp.

“Sit down,” he said.  “Just for a minute, sit down.”

It wasn’t till then that she began to get frightened.

“Go on,” he said.  “Sit down.”

She lowered herself back slowly into the chair, watching him all the time with those large, bewildered eyes.  He had finished the second drink and was staring down into the glass, frowning.

“Listen,” he said.  “I’ve got something to tell you.”

“What is it, darling?  What’s the matter?”

He had now become absolutely motionless, and he kept his head down so that the light from the lamp beside him fell across the upper part of his face, leaving the chin and mouth in shadow.  She noticed there was a little muscle moving near the corner of his left eye.

“This is going to be a bit of a shock to you, I’m afraid,” he said.  “But I’ve thought about it a good deal and I’ve decided the only thing to do is tell you right away.  I hope you won’t blame me too much.”

And he told her.  It didn’t take long, four or five minutes at most, and she say very still through it all, watching him with a kind of dazed horror as he went further and further away from her with each word.

“So there it is,” he added.  “And I know it’s kind of a bad time to be telling you, but there simply wasn’t any other way.  Of course I’ll give you money and see you’re looked after.  But there needn’t really be any fuss.  I hope not anyway.  It wouldn’t be very good for my job.”

Her first instinct was not to believe any of it, to reject it all.  It occurred to her that perhaps he hadn’t even spoken, that she herself had imagined the whole thing.  Maybe, if she went about her business and acted as though she hadn’t been listening, then later, when she sort of woke up again, she might find none of it had ever happened.

“I’ll get the supper,” she managed to whisper, and this time he didn’t stop her.

When she walked across the room she couldn’t feel her feet touching the floor.  She couldn’t feel anything at all- except a slight nausea and a desire to vomit.  Everything was automatic now-down the steps to the cellar, the light switch, the deep freeze, the hand inside the cabinet taking hold of the first object it met.  She lifted it out, and looked at it.  It was wrapped in paper, so she took off the paper and looked at it again.

A leg of lamb.

All right then, they would have lamb for supper.  She carried it upstairs, holding the thin bone-end of it with both her hands, and as she went through the living-room, she saw him standing over by the window with his back to her, and she stopped.

“For God’s sake,” he said, hearing her, but not turning round.  “Don’t make supper for me.  I’m going out.”

At that point, Mary Maloney simply walked up behind him and without any pause she swung the big frozen leg of lamb high in the air and brought it down as hard as she could on the back of his head.

She might just as well have hit him with a steel club.

She stepped back a pace, waiting, and the funny thing was that he remained standing there for at least four or five seconds, gently swaying.  Then he crashed to the carpet.

The violence of the crash, the noise, the small table overturning, helped bring her out of he shock.  She came out slowly, feeling cold and surprised, and she stood for a while blinking at the body, still holding the ridiculous piece of meat tight with both hands.

All right, she told herself.  So I’ve killed him.

It was extraordinary, now, how clear her mind became all of a sudden.  She began thinking very fast.  As the wife of a detective, she knew quite well what the penalty would be.  That was fine.  It made no difference to her.  In fact, it would be a relief.  On the other hand, what about the child?  What were the laws about murderers with unborn children?  Did they kill then both-mother and child?  Or did they wait until the tenth month?  What did they do?

Mary Maloney didn’t know.  And she certainly wasn’t prepared to take a chance.

She carried the meat into the kitchen, placed it in a pan, turned the oven on high, and shoved t inside.  Then she washed her hands and ran upstairs to the bedroom.  She sat down before the mirror, tidied her hair, touched up her lops and face.  She tried a smile.  It came out rather peculiar.  She tried again.

“Hullo Sam,” she said brightly, aloud.

The voice sounded peculiar too.

“I want some potatoes please, Sam.  Yes, and I think a can of peas.”

That was better.  Both the smile and the voice were coming out better now.  She rehearsed it several times more.  Then she ran downstairs, took her coat, went out the back door, down the garden, into the street.

It wasn’t six o’clock yet and the lights were still on in the grocery shop.

“Hullo Sam,” she said brightly, smiling at the man behind the counter.

“Why, good evening, Mrs. Maloney.  How’re you?”

“I want some potatoes please, Sam.  Yes, and I think a can of peas.”

The man turned and reached up behind him on the shelf for the peas.

“Patrick’s decided he’s tired and doesn’t want to eat out tonight,” she told him.  “We usually go out Thursdays, you know, and now he’s caught me without any vegetables in the house.”

“Then how about meat, Mrs. Maloney?”

“No, I’ve got meat, thanks.  I got a nice leg of lamb from the freezer.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t know much like cooking it frozen, Sam, but I’m taking a chance on it this time.  You think it’ll be all right?”

“Personally,” the grocer said, “I don’t believe it makes any difference.  You want these Idaho potatoes?”

“Oh yes, that’ll be fine.  Two of those.”

“Anything else?” The grocer cocked his head on one side, looking at her pleasantly.  “How about afterwards?  What you going to give him for afterwards?”

“Well-what would you suggest, Sam?”

The man glanced around his shop.  “How about a nice big slice of cheesecake?  I know he likes that.”

“Perfect,” she said.  “He loves it.”

And when it was all wrapped and she had paid, she put on her brightest smile and said, “Thank you, Sam.  Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Mrs. Maloney.  And thank you.”

And now, she told herself as she hurried back, all she was doing now, she was returning home to her husband and he was waiting for his supper; and she must cook it good, and make it as tasty as possible because the poor man was tired; and if, when she entered the house, she happened to find anything unusual, or tragic, or terrible, then naturally it would be a shock and she’d become frantic with grief and horror.  Mind you, she wasn’t expecting to find anything.  She was just going home with the vegetables. Mrs. Patrick Maloney going home with the vegetables on Thursday evening to cook supper for her husband.

That’s the way, she told herself.  Do everything right and natural.  Keep things absolutely natural and there’ll be no need for any acting at all.

Therefore, when she entered the kitchen by the back door, she was humming a little tune to herself and smiling.

“Patrick!” she called.  “How are you, darling?”

She put the parcel down on the table and went through into the living room; and when she saw him lying there on the floor with his legs doubled up and one arm twisted back underneath his body, it really was rather a shock.  All the old love and longing for him welled up inside her, and she ran over to him, knelt down beside him, and began to cry her heart out.  It was easy.  No acting was necessary.

A few minutes later she got up and went to the phone.  She know the number of the police station, and when the man at the other end answered, she cried to him, “Quick!  Come quick!  Patrick’s dead!”

“Who’s speaking?”

“Mrs. Maloney.  Mrs. Patrick Maloney.”

“You mean Patrick Maloney’s dead?”

“I think so,” she sobbed.  “He’s lying on the floor and I think he’s dead.”

“Be right over,” the man said.

The car came very quickly, and when she opened the front door, two policeman walked in.  She know them both-she know nearly all the man at that precinct-and she fell right into a chair, then went over to join the other one, who was called O’Malley, kneeling by the body.

“Is he dead?” she cried.

“I’m afraid he is.  What happened?”

Briefly, she told her story about going out to the grocer and coming back to find him on the floor.  While she was talking, crying and talking, Noonan discovered a small patch of congealed blood on the dead man’s head.  He showed it to O’Malley who got up at once and hurried to the phone.

Soon, other men began to come into the house.  First a doctor, then two detectives, one of whom she know by name.  Later, a police photographer arrived and took pictures, and a man who know about fingerprints.  There was a great deal of whispering and muttering beside the corpse, and the detectives kept asking her a lot of questions.  But they always treated her kindly.  She told her story again, this time right from the beginning, when Patrick had come in, and she was sewing, and he was tired, so tired he hadn’t wanted to go out for supper.  She told how she’d put the meat in the oven-”it’s there now, cooking”- and how she’d slopped out to the grocer for vegetables, and come back to find him lying on the floor.

Which grocer?” one of the detectives asked.

She told him, and he turned and whispered something to the other detective who immediately went outside into the street.

In fifteen minutes he was back with a page of notes, and there was more whispering, and through her sobbing she heard a few of the whispered phrases-”...acted quite normal...very cheerful...wanted to give him a good supper... peas...cheesecake...impossible that she...”

After a while, the photographer and the doctor departed and two other men came in and took the corpse away on a stretcher.  Then the fingerprint man went away.  The two detectives remained, and so did the two policeman.  They were exceptionally nice to her, and Jack Noonan asked if she wouldn’t rather go somewhere else, to her sister’s house perhaps, or to his own wife who would take care of her and put her up for the night.

No, she said.  She didn’t feel she could move even a yard at the moment.  Would they mind awfully of she stayed just where she was until she felt better.  She didn’t feel too good at the moment, she really didn’t.

Then hadn’t she better lie down on the bed?  Jack Noonan asked.

No, she said.  She’d like to stay right where she was, in this chair.  A little later, perhaps, when she felt better, she would move.

So they left her there while they went about their business, searching the house.  Occasionally on of the detectives asked her another question.  Sometimes Jack Noonan spoke at her gently as he passed by.  Her husband, he told her, had been killed by a blow on the back of the head administered with a heavy blunt instrument, almost certainly a large piece of metal.  They were looking for the weapon.  The murderer may have taken it with him, but on the other hand he may have thrown it away or hidden it somewhere on the premises.

“It’s the old story,” he said.  “Get the weapon, and you’ve got the man.”

Later, one of the detectives came up and sat beside her.  Did she know, he asked, of anything in the house that could’ve been used as the weapon?  Would she mind having a look around to see if anything was missing-a very big spanner, for example, or a heavy metal vase.

They didn’t have any heavy metal vases, she said.

“Or a big spanner?”

She didn’t think they had a big spanner.  But there might be some things like that in the garage.

The search went on.  She knew that there were other policemen in the garden all around the house.  She could hear their footsteps on the gravel outside, and sometimes she saw a flash of a torch through a chink in the curtains.  It began to get late, nearly nine she noticed by the clock on the mantle.  The four men searching the rooms seemed to be growing weary, a trifle exasperated.

“Jack,” she said, the next tome Sergeant Noonan went by.  “Would you mind giving me a drink?”

“Sure I’ll give you a drink.  You mean this whiskey?”

“Yes please.  But just a small one.  It might make me feel better.”

He handed her the glass.

“Why don’t you have one yourself,” she said.  “You must be awfully tired.  Please do.  You’ve been very good to me.”

“Well,” he answered.  “It’s not strictly allowed, but I might take just a drop to keep me going.”

One by one the others came in and were persuaded to take a little nip of whiskey.  They stood around rather awkwardly with the drinks in their hands, uncomfortable in her presence, trying to say consoling things to her.  Sergeant Noonan wandered into the kitchen, come out quickly and said, “Look, Mrs. Maloney.  You know that oven of yours is still on, and the meat still inside.”

“Oh dear me!” she cried.  “So it is!”

“I better turn it off for you, hadn’t I?”

“Will you do that, Jack.  Thank you so much.”

When the sergeant returned the second time, she looked at him with her large, dark tearful eyes.  “Jack Noonan,” she said.

“Yes?”

“Would you do me a small favor-you and these others?”

“We can try, Mrs. Maloney.”

“Well,” she said.  “Here you all are, and good friends of dear Patrick’s too, and helping to catch the man who killed him.  You must be terrible hungry by now because it’s long past your suppertime, and I know Patrick would never forgive me, God bless his soul, if I allowed you to remain in his house without offering you decent hospitality.  Why don’t you eat up that lamb that’s in the oven.  It’ll be cooked just right by now.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Sergeant Noonan said.

“Please,” she begged.  “Please eat it.  Personally I couldn’t tough a thing, certainly not what’s been in the house when he was here.  But it’s all right for you.  It’d be a favor to me if you’d eat it up.  Then you can go on with your work again afterwards.”

There was a good deal of hesitating among the four policemen, but they were clearly hungry, and in the end they were persuaded to go into the kitchen and help themselves.  The woman stayed where she was, listening to them speaking among themselves, their voices thick and sloppy because their mouths were full of meat.

“Have some more, Charlie?”

“No.  Better not finish it.”

“She wants us to finish it. She said so.  Be doing her a favor.”

“Okay then.  Give me some more.”

“That’s the hell of a big club the gut must’ve used to hit poor Patrick,” one of them was saying.  “The doc says his skull was smashed all to pieces just like from a sledgehammer.”

“That’s why it ought to be easy to find.”

“Exactly what I say.”

“Whoever done it, they’re not going to be carrying a thing like that around with them longer than they need.”

One of them belched.

“Personally, I think it’s right here on the premises.”

“Probably right under our very noses.  What you think, Jack?”

And in the other room, Mary Maloney began to giggle.

 

 

linkKiss me!

Whooops [Apr. 1st, 2008///03:38 am]

So after three unsuccessful attempts to figure out the technologically-spiffy ways of "Mool-Tea-plai", I gather my morale and take a deep breath, attempting to finally-- (and successfully) grasp the hi-tech, all-encompassing intelligent function dubbed as the "import."

Ahh, what devious way is this! To import all her melodramatic blog shit into her multiply account! Yet it has already come to pass (with me pressing "import all" by accident) and now you must bear the numerous blog-entry alerts popping into your screen. I apologize. X_X 

link5 Kisses///Kiss me!

(no subject) [Jan. 6th, 2008///06:22 pm]


Ugh. I miss my tablet. This suxxxxx.. :)) and you have to click on it to actually view it properly. eeurg.
link3 Kisses///Kiss me!

(no subject) [Dec. 12th, 2007///08:38 pm]
[Feeling: | sad]


ColorQuiz.com I took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Feels exhausted by conflict and quarreling and des..."


Click here to read the rest of the results.


linkKiss me!

(no subject) [Oct. 1st, 2007///09:06 pm]
Please understand
This isn't just goodbye
This is I can't stand you
This is I can't stand you
This is I can't stand you
This is I can't stand you
This is I can't stand you
This is I can't stand you
This is I can't stand you
This is I can't stand you
This is I can't stand you
This is I can't stand you
This is I can't stand you
This is I can't stand you
This is I can't stand you
This is I can't stand you
This is I can't stand you
This is I can't stand you
This is I can't stand you
This is I can't stand you
This is I can't stand you

i set myself up
i know
linkKiss me!

Hehehe [Sep. 18th, 2007///08:43 pm]

NerdTests.com says I'm a Cool High Nerd.  What are you?  Click here!
linkKiss me!

Weeee Geek mode! [Aug. 26th, 2007///07:45 pm]


I am a d12


Take the quiz at dicepool.com

linkKiss me!

EMMMOOOOO lol [Aug. 22nd, 2007///01:40 am]

ColorQuiz.comRai took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Wants to make a favorable impression and be recogn..."


Click here to read the rest of the results.


link1 Kiss///Kiss me!

So empty [Aug. 6th, 2007///07:36 pm]

   am 
           so 
                   empt
y.
link4 Kisses///Kiss me!

Lots of Stuff [Jun. 5th, 2007///10:45 pm]
[Feeling: | anxious]

I feel great about the fact that I moved on my birthday, it feels like I'll be more responsible just as I turn 19. I've moved into a condo with a very nice girl named Gina. I got connected to her through Kams, and she's great.

Today I went to register, and mom TOLD me I HAD to line up to pay for the first installment, even if it wasn't complete. I lined up this line that stretched from the cashier to the end of the hall (where they have all them posters) and YES, to the END of that!! I stood in line for four hours. From 1130 to 315, and when I got to the cashier, they told me they CANNOT accept the amount. At least I can still do orsem, someone was scaring me about not being able to attend if I dont have an ID......

So after that I met up with some of my blockmates and Rob (guy who I used to think looked like G) and we hung out talking about our soon-to-be blockmate, Rica Paralejo (WOW!!!!) hahahaa.

After which I went home and got a surprise visit from two cheerleaders and a lifter. I was alone in the dorm, and i had NO idea why they were there.

The reason? THREE cheerleaders are moving into our condo as well. So we'll be FIVE.

And it's MY room they're taking. I am trying to imagine myself, still as stone on one of the lower bunks, while 3 chipper super cool super taray cheerleaders talk about the finer techniques of a bridge handstand.

Ohjesusmotherksdhslgereh

And I am also plagued with thoughts of bathroom quarrels, rowd study time, and this one girl was soooo scary! she got pissed off at me that first meeting because I kept repeating something! She made this "I'm going to tell you off" expression, stopped herself, gave her friend a sly look and smirked. Smirked! Oh god. I'm the mousy kid going to be bossed around by the hot bodacious older ateneans...

ANd in one day, my schedule has become... whoah! and i like it, its great, actually. A change. I just hope i wont start forgetting.

Oh, and i better start studying for the diagnostic test. FLex my rusty muscles, neh?

Anyone have notes on Zoology? Or Fil 11?

Wow! I'm an unpaid college girl in a condo with four strangers living in a quaint apartment! So cool and yet, not.

Maybe I should start a webcam show, wire everything in the condo, and call it "House of Cheerleaders Plus Two" or "The Sorority Room" or how about "Being in the Middle of Cat Fights, Internet Hogging and World War Three."

I wonder how all this will turn out in the end.
link9 Kisses///Kiss me!

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